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One of the boys

One of the boys

For those of you who don’t know a pick me is defined as a person who begs for the attention, acceptance, and approval of a certain group in different things they say. In most case, it’s to attain the attention, acceptance, and approval of the opposite sex.

Ordinarily, the things pick mes do isn’t the problem, it’s the fact that they’re doing it solely for the acceptance of (usually) the opposite sex.

Whenever people insult or call out someone on Twitter for being a ‘pick me/patriarchy princess’ I shut up and look away because 6 years ago I was the biggest pick me ever.

I pretended to love football for years, I was a member of football Twitter, I’d watch SuperSport when deep down I wanted to be watching BBC Life or Investigation Discovery.

I pretended to love football for one reason so that boys would think I was a lot of fun, so that boys would think I was different, so that boys could tell me ‘you’re not like other girls Ayo, we can have actual conversations’ and I’ll be there smiling like a fool.

So #Gunner4lyf (ew)

It was so important to me, A 15-year-old to ensure my likeability at all costs.

Before I continue, I want to thank God for deliverance from the shackles of Patriarchy, because it is sick to think that as a teenager instead of watching things I liked, I’d stay in the living room watching grown men run around on a pitch. The worst part was lowkey I didn’t understand what was happening, I didn’t know how you could be off guard, I didn’t know anything about the technicalities of the game.

But Ayotunde watched football so Ayotunde was cool, Ayotunde was not like the other girls. 🤦🏽‍♀

Another thing I did then was, I never collected things from guys then.

Ever.

I was the girl who’d buy snacks and give my male friends, but I never collected when I was offered.

I can’t count the number of times I’d forget my money at home or be really broke and my male friends would offer to get me food or snacks and I’d decline.

Forget hunger tho, I was cool, I was not like other girls.

I’m very indifferent to cars, I can barely tell a Honda from a Toyota, however when I saw how much my dad was into cars, I started trying to learn about cars too. If my brothers were watching Top Gear, I’d come and sit down and be watching even when I didn’t understand half of what was being said.

But who cared, I was multifaceted, I was cool, I was really not like other girls.

My taste in movies and music is heavily influenced by my brothers, and while today I don’t mind the rap or soft rock I grew up with, I really wish I’d let myself listen to pop as much as I’d liked, but seeing as I couldn’t let the guys see me as a barbie, I powered through.

But it was okay, I could rap amili and lollipop. I was cool, I was nothing like the other girls.

I was one of the few girls in my junior school that watched anime, I didn’t particularly like Naruto when I started, but when I got to school, the fact that boys wanted to talk about it was all the consolation I needed.

It’s almost like everything I did, I did for validation. From boys.

Boys that didn’t care about topics that mattered to me because it didn’t matter to them.

But see the thing is, I’ve always been multifaceted, so is literally everybody on the planet because we all have varied interests.

I thank God for Feminism because that’s when I got delivered.

That’s when I was finally able to realize pretending to like things I actually hated was madness and slavery.

And I hate slavery.

I realized my interests were extremely valid, and I was enough, all by myself. I didn’t have to put on a fake persona or attempt to be who I was not.

Because of this whenever I see a pick me, I pity them because it’s not easy to know you’re constantly auditioning for attention.

That’s part of why Feminism is so important, women and girls have to be fully aware their voices are valid, the things that interest them are important and they shouldn’t strip themselves of who they are because they want to be liked.

I’m not one of the boys anymore, thank God.

Ayotunde Kayode-Dada

Fiercely, fearlessly feminist!

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