My friends and I created a WhatsApp group. Let me tell y’all how the effects of shameless patriarchy manifested it’s ugly self. We wanted an admin for this group, something pretty informal-and a name was suggested. Let’s call that dumb bih Mary. Sorry Mary mother of White Jesus. You’re not dumb. This one is.
“Mary you’ll be admin?”
“Gai no way, why are you guys making me admin?!
“Why can’t you be admin? ”
“Aki si ukue tu admin”
Questions begging Mary to be admin flew left right and center. I ain’t force no bih to be admin, I told Mary girl if you don’t shut the fuck up, grab that leadership position and add people to this group! Getting on my damn nerves.
It got me thinking. And when I think I write. So sit y’all asses down and read this motherfucking article about taking space.
1. Don’t Cry in the Board Room.
Do anything at work, except cry. What you crying about sis? A difficult boss? A gossipy colleague? Someone said they hate your shoes? Just what are you crying about at work? If you must cry, cry at home. Let me find out y’all crying at work, I’ll tear those tear ducts myself, give you something to REALLY cry about.
Sisters, the moment you shed tears at work, you lose your power, the dynamics shift and now everyone considers you nothing but a cry baby. Oh don’t tell that to Mary, she’ll cry. Oh don’t invite Mary, she’ll cry. Oh don’t give Mary extra tasks, she’ll be overwhelmed and cry. Don’t ? fucking ? cry ? at ? work ?
2.Read The 48 Laws of Power
I just know y’all stay reading Mills and Boons imagining yourselves riding off into the sunset with a broke king of patriarchy. I just know it.
Y’all read romance novels like your lives depend on it. Out here reading magazines that add nothing to your intellect except how to contour, and yet, y’all still don’t contour well.
The 48 Laws of Power will revolutionize your life. Men have read that shit. And that’s why they’re calculative, well they’re also generally assholes but well,
Robert Greene will tell you to be ruthless, to enter action with boldness, to conceal your intentions, take credit and despise the free lunch.
Y’all laugh at anything a man says at work. If it ain’t funny, it ain’t funny. Sit there with a stone face or look at your phone. Boy, ain’t nobody laughing at that stale ass joke.
Y’all allow yourselves to be constantly interrupted by men with barely the same experience as you. Tell him boy stay in your motherfucking lane and lend me your ears.
Pick mes when I tell them to tell men to stay on their motherfucking lane,
But that’s none of my business. My business however is y’all sisters willing to listen.
Don’t accept lunches left right and center at the work place. Think of it this way, a male colleague buys you lunch for a whole week and next thing you know, he requests that you assist him with some research that will inconvenience you, and you can’t say no because power shifted when he fed you for a week. This dynamic is entirely different for romantic relationships, but don’t accept the free lunches at work. You can afford your own food sis!
So get reading that damn book!
3. Don’t Second-guess Yourself :
Bitch you’re the shit. You’re great at your job, that’s why you’re there, and even if you got there through back door methods, bitch you’re now there -YOU’RE STILL THE SHIT, better show up for yourself. Read to increase your competency, read to make sure you’re indispensable. If you have to look in the mirror every morning to remind yourself that you’re the shit, do it.
Don’t allow anyone to look down on you, and if they do, look down on them right back.
4. Go Head to Head.
Literally. No shouting, no name calling. No angry emails. No gossip. No crying. Use your fucking head. Don’t even show anyone you don’t like them, show them by killing them with kindness and maintaining professionalism. Maintaining professionalism will NEVER let you down. If you hear something about you, use professional methods to address it, don’t participate in gossip, LISTEN to gossip though, you need information, false or not, information is power and can be used to disarm anyone. Get the tea but don’t participate in giving out the tea.
5.Image is Everything!
Bih don’t be the one going to meetings looking like something the damn cat dragged in. You don’t know who you’ll meet, who would be interested in working with you. You have to clean up nicely, look sharp, touch of lipstick, clean shoes. Dressing well boosts your confidence. You’ll walk in a room and everyone will want to talk to you, because, bitch your arrival will have done shook them. Bitch I’m back by popular demand lookin ass!
6. Take the Motherfucking SPACE!
Y’all remember those prefects in high school who used to terrify the hell out us just because they were prefects? Those queens had me shook. And they fought tooth and nail to be prefects. I don’t know if society and religion changed y’all but if I don’t see your motherfucking names on the ballot in 2022! Keep that same energy y’all had in high school.
I take space. That’s a fact. I’m not going to be the one offered a leadership position and I still giggle in the damn corner talking about, huhuhu consider someone else, bitch if you endorse me, I also endorse myself now vote for me bitch. Don’t even wait to be endorsed. Grab that seat, like okay, I’ll lead that team,
So, Mary, your little dumb ass giggle inspired this article. Read it and become our WhatsApp admin chile. Let me never hear that giggle again.
- Unapologetically Feminist!